Rediscovering Sex After Kids

Not many couples believe it when they hear other parents say how their sex lives changed with children. You think—it won’t happen to us! But inevitably something does shift, whether it is less frequency or a lack of spontaneity, and your sex life (like every other part of your life) has to adapt to the addition of kids. It takes some effort, but it will be worth it. Here are three suggestions to help you and your partner reconnect in the bedroom.

Find a babysitter. If you have grandparents nearby who are willing to babysit the kids for a night, great! This gives you the opportunity to have a night in, without interruptions. Maybe you can arrange a round robin babysitting group amongst friends or neighbors, trading babysitting duty, to allow yourselves a few hours alone. If not, it’s worth it to spring for a babysitter every once in awhile. Splurging for a few hours of adult time in a hotel room, instead of dinner and a movie, is not only a great way to focus on your relationship, but it can feel a little naughty, too!

Boot the kids from your bed. Co-sleeping has many positives for you and your child, but one glaring negative—it can really interfere with you and your spouse’s sexual relationship. As your kids mature, encourage them to spend the night in their bed. It may take some time to break them of the co-sleeping habit, but the effort will be worth it when it comes to your renewed intimacy with your significant other.

Lock the door. Kids aren’t often deterred by a closed door, and no one enjoys being walked in on when things have gotten intimate. While the mood will still be broken by the pitter-patter of little feet, you will at least have a moment to gather yourself and pull on a robe before facing whatever monster under the bed has appeared this time.

Sex is important in a relationship, helping you remember why you became a couple in the first place. You may have to make more of an effort after kids enter the picture, but it is worth it. When you feel like it has been awhile since you had a conversation that didn’t center around your offspring, and even longer since you got physical, then it might be time to review the above tips and reconnect with each other.