You’re Not Alone—Common Complaints About Sex

When your sex life isn’t going as you had planned or hoped, it can feel very alienating. But knowing that you aren’t alone can help immensely. So what are some common complaints people have about their sex lives?

1. Not Achieving Orgasm the Right Way– While there really is no “right way” to have an orgasm, some people still think that if a woman isn’t achieving an orgasm during intercourse something is wrong. In fact, only about 15 to 20 percent of women achieve climax this way. So if you are among the other 80 to 85 percent, you are not alone.

2. You and Your Partner Have Different Drives– Many couples seem to have an issue with different levels of sexual desire. If you are lucky enough that you and your partner have equal sex drives that’s great. But most couples will find that over time their interest in sex may not match that of their partner’s. If it is because there are issues affecting your libido, figuring out what you enjoy or what is holding you back can help fix this issue.

3. Performance Issues Are a Problem– Whether it’s premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, either issue can result in serious anxiety for the male partner. The other half of the couple can also feel like it is their fault that these problems are happening. The key is remembering to focus on relaxing and other aspects of pleasure during sex. Enjoy the experience, and be supportive and understanding until the problem resolves.

4. Time To Spice Things Up– Interested in becoming more adventurous in the bedroom, but your partner has seemed less than intrigued by the prospect? What can you do? Talk about it with your partner first, in a non-judging way, to see if they have any desires that you could explore together. Some things may still be a no-go, but you won’t know until you have a conversation.

5. You’re In a Sexless Rut– Life has a way of getting in the way, especially with all the responsibilities of work and family. If you and your partner have found yourself in a relationship without sex, again communication is key. If you have typically been the non-initiating partner, maybe you could broach the subject with vague statements that wouldn’t be pressuring. For instance, “I’ve wondered if we’re too tired at night for sex and maybe we should try in the morning?” You don’t want to pressure your partner, but you do want to talk and see if there are any issues that need to be discussed.