Let’s Talk About Sex

Talking about sex can be, well sexy, but communicating about sex—well that is an entirely different animal. But anyone that has been in any kind of long-term relationship knows that communication is a critical component of a good sex life.

So what are the must-have sex talks that every couple should be having?

1. Testing—No, talking about your STD status isn’t particularly sexy, but it has to be done. And ideally this conversation should happen when you know there is an attraction, BEFORE sex has occurred.

2. Turn Ons & Offs—You want to have a satisfying sex life with your partner, right? Well they can’t read your mind. Let he or she know what you like, what you don’t and what’s a deal breaker. And don’t forget to be open to trying something new. You may be surprised what you end up enjoying if you keep an open mind and try.

3. How Often—Everyone has a different libido. You and your partner may not be in exact agreement about how often you should be having sex. The key is to come to a compromise that you can both live with and feel satisfied by.

4. Fantasies—Divulging your secret thoughts, desires and, yes, fantasies can be a bit scary. No one is suggesting you have this sex talk in the beginning of your relationship, but as your intimacy develops, this is another important topic to cover.

5. Cheating—You may be surprised what some people feel is cheating and what others are fine with. For instance is dancing with someone else ok? Can your partner have your phone passcode? Don’t be afraid to tell your partner where you draw the line in terms of infidelities or unacceptable behaviors early on in your sexual relationship. You potentially will save yourself some harsh words and heartache down the line.

6. Appreciation—Just like definitions of cheating, what each person needs from their partner to feel appreciated can vary widely. Maybe you need lots of physical affection. Maybe you feel loved through gifts or words of affirmation. Know what language of appreciation you connect with, and find out what your partner prefers.

7. Maintenance—A conversation about sex is not something that happens once and gets permanently crossed off your to-do list. A strong relationship needs regular check-ins to keep both people on the same page and working towards a healthy and fulfilling partnership.