Worried that you aren’t getting or giving enough in the sex department? How can you know if you are having the right amount of sex? Is your sex life “normal?” Probably every therapist who specializes in sex has heard some variation of these questions multiple times a day. So what is the answer?
- There is no normal. If you and your partner are happy with the frequency of your sex life, then that is your normal. There is no definitive amount of sex that you should or should not be having. However, if you do find you and your partner have different sex drives, it is important to communicate and try to come to an understanding about frequency, so no other issues arise down the road.
- Normal changes over time. What you and your partner consider a normal frequency for sex today will not be what you consider normal in five or 10 years. As your life changes, adding new responsibilities and new pressures, your sex life will change as well. What’s more, changes to your body and health as you age can also have an impact on the frequency of your sex life.
- Normal doesn’t mean spontaneous. It may not be the most romantic way to view it, but there’s a good possibility that one partner will have a more intense sex drive than the other. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. At some point, you may have to plan for regular sex. Make a commitment to generating desire instead of expecting instant arousal from your partner.
Don’t get caught up in worrying about whether or not your sex life with your partner is normal. Sex in a relationship will evolve as you and your partner do. So don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut or be afraid to try something new. If you do find yourself thinking things are not as exciting as they once were, discuss ways you can spice things up. Whatever new thing you bring into your sexual routine may not be something you do forever, but it may jump start you and your partner’s interest in the meantime. No matter what you do, regular communication with each other is essential to combat any issues about frequency or desire you may be having.
Are you looking to try something new? Stop by your local Adam & Eve Retail Store and talk with one of our specialists.